Mommy, what’s this ______??? Insert any body part here. (14)

The other day, my youngest’s teachers at daycare informed me that while playing with a baby doll, my child very clearly pointed out the baby’s parts.  And was anatomically correct.  They wouldn’t even repeat what was said out loud.  I had to figure it out.  I nodded, and smiled.  Yes, I know my kid says “penis”.  I have taught my kids from the beginning the correct parts for both boys and girls.  I wasn’t going to beat around the bush (hee-hee, bush).  My husband didn’t have any strong feelings one way or another about what to tell our kids to call their parts.  But I wasn’t doing this wee-wee and tutu crap.  No way.  My kids will know from the beginning what to call their body parts. What’s the big deal with our vaginas and penises?  Why can’t we say these words out loud?  What is the stigma around it?  Who the hell knows?

I was in my mid-twenties when a friend of mine got all weird and shy (I think we were discussing hooking up with the latest heartthrob, but I can’t be 100% sure).  I couldn’t figure out what the problem was.  “I can’t tell you what he did to my tutu!” she said in a babyish voice and turned bright red.  Right then and there, miles and miles before my own children, I realized that I didn’t want my kids to ever have nicknames for their penises and vaginas.  I didn’t want them ever be embarrassed by their body parts because it’s not something to be shy about, but something to be open about. With all of the names we use for our privates, it can be a bit maddening.  From coochie to vajayjay, from schlong to dingus, there are so many ways to name them.  Or if you want to be specific, you can give it an actual human name, although I think that’s weird, too.  Unless it’s a joke, I can’t see using any other words that what is properly called penis and vagina.  Now I just have to tell my kids when its actually appropriate to talk about these parts.  Although I truly don’t see a problem with my youngest pointing out the penis on the baby doll at school.  I mean, really, do they think no one was going to say it???

We come up with nicknames for our kids, whether we want to or not.  Often they just pop out of our mouths. (I remember my husband when I accidentally in my lack-of-sleep stupor said “lover” instead of “lovey” to my youngest.  Once we both realized what I said, it was super weird.)  In the south, its typical for people to call their kids by their middle names.  Who knows why, but it happens.  Maybe we just need to keep it straight and simple.  Call it what it is.  Vagina.  Penis.  Now, when the topic of masturbation comes up…


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