No woman EVER looks THAT good after giving birth. Period.

Okay okay, I am usually into all of the celebrity hype and I am one of those who is super excited about it.  I was up at 4 am feeding my eldest when William and Kate got married.  I waited with baited breath to hear about the royal baby (the first time).  This time around, I suppose I couldn’t care less.  What clinched my lack of interest?  How good Kate looked only 10 hours after giving birth.

This time around, I didn’t have a CLUE that Kate had even gone into give birth to #2.  I didn’t even know, for the longest time, that they were pregnant with their second baby.  Maybe it was because I didn’t have time with my own two little ones wreaking havoc, or maybe because Prince George was the next in line anyway, hence, not as much excitement (poor kid #2, the media already know her as the “royal spare”).  I mean, don’t get me wrong, giving birth is exciting.  But its not as glamorous as Kate makes it look.

When she emerged, a mere 10 hours after giving birth, looking phenomenal, my first thought was, “she just gave birth?!?!”  Impossible.  No stylist team could work wonders like that.  Not in a million years.  On top of it, her smile was genuine, she wore a dress, and heels.  Yes, we know celebrities (and royalty) have to show that they are not normal, and therefore, have to look impeccable at all times.  But seriously?  How bad did I feel about myself after seeing her?  Let’s just say my sweatpants and dirty hair were only the beginning.

I think back to both of my births now.  My first, I was a complete mess.  For the entire time.  And probably for a least two months after.  I think that even when I went back to work, I often left the house without even thinking about how I looked and my coworkers took pity on me.  (Thank god no one ever said anything, even if I did look terrible at all times.)  I remember not wanting to leave the hospital with my first, not just because I was exhausted and scared, but because I knew I’d never be able to have a completely quiet and relaxing shower ever again.  And because my nether regions were throbbing along with my SLOWLY shrinking belly.  I begged the nurse who walked me out to come home with me, and she hugged me for a long time, saying she wished she could.

Kid #2, my birth wasn’t as traumatic.  I was in labor for about the same amount of time, but only pushed for 20 minutes.  Regardless, I was exhausted, still throbbing and wanting as much help as possible (especially with TWO at home now).  My sweaty mess of a body would rather have stayed in the hospital johnny than even try to struggle into jogging pants, but I forced myself in order to go home.

Regardless of how many stylists, nurses, baby nurses, family, or miracle workers, Kate couldn’t have looked THAT good only 10 hours after giving birth.  (Besides the point, didn’t anyone wonder why she was allowed to leave the hospital after that short amount of time?  Doesn’t one have to worry about the mother and child’s well-being and medical welfare?)  Why wasn’t she begging to stay at the hospital like every other mother?  Why wasn’t she in jogging pants and with sweat dripping from every orafice that happens because of hormones? Would she go home and just fall apart because she would be behind closed doors?  As a mother, I am over the whole celebrity aspect now.  Especially women who make it difficult to feel normal about themselves if they see other women, however, miracle-laden they are, looking that amazing after delivering an 8 pound watermelon out of their vagina.  Thanks, Kate, for making us feel like we will never live up to those fantasy expectations.  (Cute baby, though.)

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4 thoughts on “No woman EVER looks THAT good after giving birth. Period.

  1. My first thought when I saw the pictures of Kate was, “Wow, she’s brave to put on a light-colored dress that soon after giving birth.” I was wearing dark clothes and putting towels over everything for weeks!

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  2. I just can’t get over the heels — how is that possible? With both of my kids I was a train wreck for ages, and I had relatively easy births. My youngest is 10 weeks and I still don’t look that put together…

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  3. Haha! Precisely, what you said. I remember sitting at McDonald’s, enjoying an iced coffee as they emerged from the hospital with Baby #1. All I could think was “I wonder if she’s wearing those mesh underwear.” It’s a high standard to set and, for the rest of us, a completely impossible one. I’d take a milk-stained t-shirt and groggy, sleep-deprived eye-bags over wearing heels that soon after giving birth, any day!

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