Shaking hands with the clock

How is that I can be ready to go, kids in the car, even DRIVING to my destination and STILL be late?  I have tried everything.  Getting ready earlier, setting my clock earlier, getting in the car earlier, even if it means missing something important.  Nothing works.  I still manage to be late, wherever I need to be.  It’s frustrating.  It’s especially frustrating when I want to be somewhere, but when I need to be there, it’s a whole other bag of worms.

I was never this way before kids.  I prided myself on being early with my arrivals, sometimes alarmingly so that I would have to drive around for several minutes (sometimes 15-20) before I entered a dinner party at a respectable time.  I was also early with all of my deadlines, which I feel like I did more because I wanted to, not because I had to (as in now, I do it so I don’t forget I have to do it – thanks, mommy brain).  I often wonder what I did with all of those extra minutes, and if they were a waste.  I was rarely late, and if I was ever (less than 1% of the time), I apologized profusely and chided myself internally, quietly berating myself for not leaving earlier and arriving on time. Now, I practically laugh in the face of my former self.

Being late doesn’t phase me much anymore.  I can’t do anything about it.  Someone loses a sock, projectile vomits, poops their pants, hasn’t gotten dressed/eaten/whatever so that means we will be late.  And believe me, I use my kids as an excuse ALL THE TIME.  I felt bad at first, blaming them 99% of the time, when it was often my fault for giving into the “one more snack” or I had forgotten to use the potty when everyone else already had.  Then, I gave up feeling bad about it.  Of the other times, it WAS actually their fault, and I told whomever it was proudly with a small apology and a smile, which gained a knowing and understanding look.  The host/receptionist/friend felt my pain in some way, or feigned it, and therefore, all was excused, understood, forgotten.  So why can’t I say it all the time, even the 1% that it isn’t true?  Another little white lie?

So I will just keep on truckin’.  I mean, what’s the rush?  I have to tote two small kids, get myself put together (or some semblance of such), and get to a place on time or close to it.  It can’t feasibly be done unless I plan to leave at least 1 hour before I was originally planning on it.  And there is not a chance in hell I could do that, either.  It probably wouldn’t help me anyway.  I’d still be late.  Sigh.  Yay motherhood.


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