How is that I can be ready to go, kids in the car, even DRIVING to my destination and STILL be late? I have tried everything. Getting ready earlier, setting my clock earlier, getting in the car earlier, even if it means missing something important. Nothing works. I still manage to be late, wherever I need to be. It’s frustrating. It’s especially frustrating when I want to be somewhere, but when I need to be there, it’s a whole other bag of worms.
I was never this way before kids. I prided myself on being early with my arrivals, sometimes alarmingly so that I would have to drive around for several minutes (sometimes 15-20) before I entered a dinner party at a respectable time. I was also early with all of my deadlines, which I feel like I did more because I wanted to, not because I had to (as in now, I do it so I don’t forget I have to do it – thanks, mommy brain). I often wonder what I did with all of those extra minutes, and if they were a waste. I was rarely late, and if I was ever (less than 1% of the time), I apologized profusely and chided myself internally, quietly berating myself for not leaving earlier and arriving on time. Now, I practically laugh in the face of my former self.
Being late doesn’t phase me much anymore. I can’t do anything about it. Someone loses a sock, projectile vomits, poops their pants, hasn’t gotten dressed/eaten/whatever so that means we will be late. And believe me, I use my kids as an excuse ALL THE TIME. I felt bad at first, blaming them 99% of the time, when it was often my fault for giving into the “one more snack” or I had forgotten to use the potty when everyone else already had. Then, I gave up feeling bad about it. Of the other times, it WAS actually their fault, and I told whomever it was proudly with a small apology and a smile, which gained a knowing and understanding look. The host/receptionist/friend felt my pain in some way, or feigned it, and therefore, all was excused, understood, forgotten. So why can’t I say it all the time, even the 1% that it isn’t true? Another little white lie?
So I will just keep on truckin’. I mean, what’s the rush? I have to tote two small kids, get myself put together (or some semblance of such), and get to a place on time or close to it. It can’t feasibly be done unless I plan to leave at least 1 hour before I was originally planning on it. And there is not a chance in hell I could do that, either. It probably wouldn’t help me anyway. I’d still be late. Sigh. Yay motherhood.