I have a headache…again.

Sex.  Men always want it more than women, I feel like that’s a fact.  But sex after kids is a delicate balance.  A sleep-deprived, definitely lock the door, quick romp-in-the-hay balance. Blame it on biology, but honestly, guys out there, our vaginas hurt after giving birth.  And I mean, with no pain or ache like we’ve ever had before.  (Although UTIs hurt pretty bad too, this was far beyond that in our vaginal area.)  Thinking about putting ANYTHING in there after an 8 pound watermelon has come out of it is unheard of.  Think about it: we often have to be stitched after that.  It ain’t pretty, but it happens.  And our vaginas are changed after that.  Forever.

I went to my six week post birth checkup (both times) in hopes that I would not be healed enough to be given the “ok” to go back to work, but also to avoid my husband’s advances.  I love you, babe, but with a little baby attached to my newly enormous breasts and a stomach that still hadn’t deflated and a vagina that finally stopped throbbing with pain, sex was not high on my list.  When the doctor gave me the ok, she saw my defeated face.  “Sorry,” I was told after the second birth, and I could see that she could read my utter and sheer disappointment (my checkup after my first just got me a pat on the shoulder and a little laugh).  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be intimate with my husband again.  I did.  I love him and we are great together.  But with the thought of how it would feel to him after we had sex for the first time post-watermelon, I was so anxious it felt like I was a virgin again.  Would he enjoy it?  Would I enjoy it?  Could I muster up enough pornographic feelings to even remotely feel sexy enough to initiate or just join in rather than be a blob while he had his way with me? At the end of the day, we all have to give into our sexual desires.

I have never once used the “headache” excuse on my husband (HONEST), but I definitely have told him I’m not into it, and we’ve stopped because of it (not often, though, maybe only a handful of times our entire time we’ve been together, which isn’t terrible, especially because I went through antidepressant meds with the lovely anti-sex side effect).  Men need sex to calm their libido, although it ends up flaring up again at some point no matter what we do.  Bigger breasts as a result of breastfeeding doesn’t help.  And women, yes, we need it, just not as much as men do.  We’ll relent reluctantly, and other times truly get excited by it.

But I will always wonder, does it really feel the same as he says it does? I was so worried after my husband watched the birth of both of our children that he wouldn’t feel the same about sex.  That was pre-birth.  After, I sometimes (in those first early weeks, mind you) wish that he really was affected.  On nights like tonight, when I actually want to start something, I look over at 8:46 pm, and my husband is already passed out cold on the couch next to me.  Guess no one’s getting lucky tonight.

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