Playing favorites

You know the feeling.  You get super annoyed by the little things they keep doing or the noises they make, and it appears they do it all the time.  Does it seem like it’s the same one?  Does it seem like you are more likely to be annoyed by one than the other?  Then you are not alone.

I wouldn’t say I play favorites.  I try not to.  I love both of my kids equally, and for different reasons.  My eldest is sweet, nurturing, loving, and spirited, as well as creative.  My youngest is a cuddler, and lets me hold them all the time, even though they are way past the “pick me up” age.  But there are definitely times that I want to scream at one more than another or make time for one than the other.  It varies, based on their temperaments, and my own.

When we were little, my sisters and I would vy for my parents’ attention.  We’d joke with each other that we were the “favorite” and that’s why they loved us so much.  One of us would corner my mom, and say, “come on, mom, it’s okay, you can say it.  I’m your favorite!”  while smiling sweetly and giving her hugs and kisses.  Christ, we still sometimes do.  But it’s all in good fun, right?  Parents don’t really have favorites, do they?

There are definitely times that I don’t want to be around either of my kids, when I say I need space.  And perhaps they have started to use that phrase, too.  And then there are times when one bugs me more than the other, and I’d rather be with one, cuddling them or with the other, drawing pictures.  I can’t say that I would think of one as a favorite ever, but there are times when it starts to feel like that.  When I scream at one for being too close to the other (well what would you think would happen if you are in their face while they are trying to play?!?!) or just want to finish reading the last four pages of my amazing book (yes, I found time to read and no, I don’t want to watch you shake your tush right now), I feel like I’d rather one than the other.  Or none at all.  And while my eldest screams from their room about a stupid yellow block my youngest would give up, I have to chuckle.  Maybe neither one is my favorite right now.  Maybe I really don’t have any favorites.  Or maybe I just have favorite qualities that I love about each of them.  The rest of the qualities in their personalities?  Maybe I’d be okay without.  Especially the annoying, cry-about-anything-small-when-they’re-tired parts.


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