“He broke up with me on a Post-it!”

I was recently out for drinks with work when I overheard a coworker talking about her recent divorce.  I had no idea that she was going through that, but I didn’t pry.  Come to find out, her husband had told her in a letter that he wanted a divorce.  Yes, a LETTER.  I can’t believe that it how he chose to go about telling her.  I mean, seriously dude, grow a ball sac.  That aside, I was more shocked that their marriage was over, especially since they seemed to be floating along on a sea of happiness, exemplified by her happy Facebook pictures and her constant smiling face.  Where did this come from?  Did she know it was coming?  Was she okay about it?  It made me stop and think: if that could happen to someone after 20 years of marriage, could it happen to any one of us at any time, without any inkling of the impending break up?

I think that’s one of my biggest fears: my husband leaving me.  Worse yet, leaving me without trying to get help for it.  Early on in my depression stages, I made sure that I checked with him about his openness to getting help.  I wanted to make sure that he would be willing to work through our problems if it came to that, so that we didn’t just give up on each other.  He agreed, and it relieved me almost instantly.  I could tell that no matter how bad it might seem to get between our communication together, he was willing to seek outside help for the better of our relationship.  Not all men are open to that, and I know I am lucky.  But still.  The nagging thought that it could still happen without my realizing it haunts me.

My sister went through a divorce.  I am younger than her, so I was clueless as to what was actually going on.  Not sure if my parents meant to, but they sheltered me from a lot so I honestly thought it “came up” quickly and then her marriage was over.  Nope.  He was cheating for awhile, jealous of her academia, and also jealous of her closeness with my other sister (they are twins).  It was weird for awhile, but I think she was more willing than he was to work it out.  He just ran into another woman’s vagina-ahem, I mean, arms.  Regardless, even if she knew it was coming or not, I couldn’t imagine what my sister had gone through so early on in her married life.  How was it that he just decided he didn’t want to work through it?  And did he think about what was going to happen as a result?  (My sister is now happily married with two beautiful children so in hindsight, it was the best thing that ever happened to her.)

I’m not sure if you are supposed to tell your significant other or not, but I will say to mine every now and again that I wouldn’t know what to do if he left me (not in a crazy or creepy sort of way, just more as a matter of fact and sharing my thoughts – I promise).  We have made such an awesome life for ourselves, with two cute and mischievous children, and we finally have worked through the kinks of our sex life and our communications (for the most part, anyway).  But that worry is still there.  I guess if I did something really bad, it would warrant us divorcing.  And if I didn’t, and he still wanted to, how do you deal with that?  I don’t let it consume me, these thoughts.  It only comes out at times like this, when I am thinking about my coworker and how awful I feel for her.  I am hoping that it is just naivete that is making me think that someone could just leave another without knowing why.

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