Honestly, I don’t understand it. I can have my hands completely full with cleaning the bathroom, folding laundry and making dinner at the same time and my kids will still call for me over my husband, who is sitting quietly, watching tv. The kicker is, he will ask me too! “Ask mommy.” Why? Why does this always happen? Why do moms seem to have all the answers but dads often sit idly by?
My husband tries to claim he asks me because he’s afraid if he agrees to something for my kids to do, I’ll not have agreed to it and be pissed off at both him and the kids. But to be honest, unless they are trying to sacrifice each other or running outside naked in the snow (although I’d consider it if they would sleep better as a result of the latter), I don’t care. I mean, he knows the drill. He knows what works and doesn’t with them. Time and again, however, he’ll turn to me for the ok on something as small as more fruit snacks or if they should change their socks. Really?? Are you kidding? Make the call, dammit. Mommy doesn’t have to do it all the fucking time.
The bigger problem lies with the fact that when Mommy answers negatively to whatever is asked, I look like the bad guy. It pisses me off. When Daddy pauses and looks sideways towards me, it’s almost as if he is considering it. My kids read it. They own it. The work and manipulate it. They know that their little cherub-like faces are starting to work their charm on him, and with one response from Mommy, the devil horns come out and steam pours out of their ears. Amaze balls. I’ve said this to him many times. Please don’t make me the bad guy. I know you don’t mean to, but by putting it on me, it looks like I am making the final, awful, gut wrenching decision of having more cookies or if they should wash their hands before dinner, and the pure hatred that pours out of their eyes is ridiculous. I don’t want to be the bitch. I don’t want to be the “no” parent. But I’ll be damned if they have a fourth oreo or leave their hands grimy and germ-filled before eating.
It may never change. Maybe we need to speak up more. I know I do. We walk the fine line of being a bitch that says no and the nag who is always asking our significant others to pick up the slack. Can we win? Most likely not. So I’ll be that bitchy nag who says no to everything my husband might say yes to and everyone will just have to deal. At least I can own it.