Okay, so I was optimistic for a little while. But then I sort of gave up. And I was okay with it, too. We had done it so many times, gotten our hopes up and then realized it wasn’t the case. I even took a few pregnancy tests here and there, as well as ovulation tests when we were trying to determine the best times to try. Nothing. So we stopped trying.
Believe me, I say “trying” loosely. We still had sex, without any protection, but neither one of us guessed that it was having any effect. I hadn’t had my period in months, and it was super screwy before as well. The last time I took a pregnancy test, it was to rule it out so I could enjoy my vacation (yes, I’ll say it. I wanted to drink my face off without any repercussions.) But I had forgotten otherwise. I mean, yes, I had the weird random dreams that made me think that I was. But I didn’t think anything of it other than it was my wonky brain.
About a week ago, I started to feel like I was getting period cramps. I was sort of happy, because I was like, FINALLY! Maybe my body will behave and I can tell what is happening when. But that went on for a few days without anything else happening. Then, a few days later, I noticed as I was getting into bed that my boobs hurt. I thought it was because I didn’t do my usual “throw the bra off the second I get home routine” so again, thought nothing of it. Then my legs started to ache. Sort of a tell tale sign for me. Hmmm…
“Can you pick up a pregnancy test on your way home? Just any generic brand will do.”
Such was the text exchange between my husband and I two days ago. I wanted to rule it out again, as some of the symptoms were continuing with no relief; especially the boobs, why the boobs?? I didn’t know what to think, but I went to bed that night thinking, yeah right, this has happened before, so don’t get your hopes up.
Getting the first pee of the day, the pregnancy test turned immediately to positive. I could see it even though I hadn’t turned the lights on, as it was almost irridescent. What? I went out to my husband and said, “well, um..” and he said, “you’re pregnant?” in almost a halfhearted way. (You can tell how many times we had gone through this and been disappointed.) “Yes.” I tried to show him the test, but the light was too bright, and he couldn’t stop blinking (he took my word for it). So I called the doctors and went for a blood test to be sure. And got the call today, that yes, it was positive and I needed to come in for an ultrasound. I think I was a little shocked because I didn’t know what to say. The receptionist gave me a small, “congratulations?” and I reassured her that yes, I was happy, just a little surprised was all. It’s possible she heard the shock in my voice and mistook that as complete and utter scared shitless.
So. #3 is on the way. Holy shit. Exciting and fucking scary, all wrapped into one.