I have been on hiatus from my blog. After the summer, heading back to work with the kids back at school has been hectic. Sometimes it makes me think, am I really ready to do this a third time?
Honestly, though, some mother might hate me for what I am about to say next. This pregnancy has been relatively easy for me. Seriously. I’m not sure if it’s because my kids are older and more self-sufficient, that I haven’t been craving alcohol, or that I am just used to all of the swollen ankles and stretchy-pants, but I have been feeling pretty good. Mind you, I am only sixth months, so I still have quite a ways to go. As my mom reminded me the other day, plenty of time to be uncomfortable. But I distinctly remember it happening much earlier in my pregnancies with my other two.
With my first one, I had no clue what I was doing. Every pang of pain or shift in movement made me wonder, and I called my OB GYN for everything. They assured me things were normal, including my constant phone calls, but I still stressed over everything. The only thing that evened out was my hormones, which meant my depressive symptoms were nonexistent but replaced by anxiety and my lack of sleep, which at that time, I wasn’t used to at all. For my second one, my eldest was only 14 months when I found out, and then at the peak, 18 months. The demands of a toddler mixed in with my own nausea and then uncomfortable inability to play was a bad mix. Try explaining to an 18 month old that you can’t get down on the floor and play. Or try taking a quick power nap while they nap, because we all know they know EXACTLY when you want to and immediately pop up, ready to go. I survived it, but it was after that was the most challenging. My depression came back with the post-partum, lack of sleep, and demands of a newborn and a two year old.
Now, they play together. They can easily play games together while mommy rests on the couch, or they leave me alone in the morning if I am still tired. I still have to play ref for them every now and again, but they are better than it was. I feel like I have things in check for myself, too. I am continuing my Lexapro throughout this pregnancy (don’t worry, I checked and double-checked with my psychiatrist, and it’s perfectly safe), which has made me more level-headed with my other two. My sleep has been ok so far. Only recently has #3 been kicking and hiccuping in the night, and most times I am so tired from my day that I can ignore it or fall back asleep after. I’m not so huge yet that I am not mobile, and my kids are forgiving of my lack of play now that they are older and “get it”.
Sure, I still have the basic issues of a pregnant woman. Decaf coffee is my friend, because I can usually fake myself into thinking it’s real. Chocolate is also a huge help, but trying to eat it on the sly without my two noticing is the real problem. Swollen ankles are solved by propping my feet up and making sure to keep moving during the work day. I am still careful about deli, sushi, and too much fish. I did drink some wine recently, but savored every small sip I took of my mini-glass. Knowing this is my last pregnancy because we are done after this might be a help in getting through it, but feeling good helps, too. I am going to enjoy it while I go pour another cup of decaf, and sneak some M & M’s (who cares that it’s only 8 am).