What do they actually DO in there?

So this is more of a question for the men.  What the EFF do you DO in the bathroom???

It’s been a bone of contention between my husband and I for as long as I can remember.  He tells me he has to use the bathroom.  He usually goes in there with his phone.  I don’t see him for at least 20 minutes, sometimes longer.  And then when he comes out, I am annoyed, frustrated, and probably having to use the bathroom myself, but couldn’t, because I can’t leave my youngest alone without them screaming their heads off.

When asked, I get lots of different answers.  Most times, it’s ‘I lost track of time’ or ‘I started playing Candy Crush’.  But other than that, it’s a mystery.  It’s like he goes in there and it becomes his office, and I am left to deal with whatever is left on the “outside”.  It usually seems to be when my oldest two get in each other’s faces, and my youngest screams when I leave the room or battles me over drinking their milk in the kitchen vs. the living room.  And I have to pee, but can’t leave anyone because it usually happens that something blows up in my face and I am trying to deal with it, even from upstairs, in the bathroom.  All while my husband is in the bathroom.

Can you tell it annoys me?  I have tried to ask him time and again to hurry it up, or don’t forget that others need him, so don’t just take your sweet time while the rest of us are either waiting for the bathroom, beating each other up, or screaming our heads off.  And I don’t get WHY he takes that long.  I mean, I get in and get out.  Who really wants to sit there in the smell of your own excrement?  I don’t care if Candy Crush is going well, or someone is getting drafted to this team, and how the eff can you lose track of TIME in there?  It’s not like it’s a comfortable place to be, especially with the ambiance.

So this is my plea to all you men out there, who like to take your time in the bathroom.  Don’t.  Work it out, don’t bring your phone in, and be timely about it all.  Your wives will thank you for moving it along faster so that it doesn’t appear that you are hiding from your family while dropping a deuce.

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